8 Ways to Have a Manly Holiday Break

Well, it's the holiday season, and this year we've decided to give you guys some pointers on how to have the manliest holiday break of your life. We've put together a list of 8 things that are crucial to man-a-fying  your winter break.

1.You’ve got to have the best christmas lights on the block. I’m talking lights so insane you have to run them off of an external generator. It isn’t too late to make your house look like this:

2. For Christmas presents, you give the gifts from the song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas”. Seriously. All of them. And I mean live animals. Wait until you see the look on someone's face when the open up their "Seven Swans a-swimming." 

(Waterproof wrapping paper is recommended.)

3. You’ve gotta be the first one up Christmas Morning. Nothing says “Merry Christmas Mom and Dad” better than a good ole fashioned body slam. They’ll never be more awake in their entire life.

4. You have to eat the most out of anyone in your family. Now I know this could be a tough thing to accomplish, seeing as you may be a little smaller than most of the men in your family, but you need to put that out of your mind. When it comes to christmas dinner, you’ve gotta be first in line, (After the ladies, of course). And not just one plate. Two.. maybe three. And you’ve gotta pile them high. Something like this, except multiplied by four:

5. You have one week in between Christmas and New Years. That is preparation time. You WILL be the last one to fall asleep come New Years Eve. Therefore, from Dec. 26-Dec. 30, you sleep until noon everyday. EVERY DAY.

6. On New Years Eve, once everyone has fallen asleep, you draw mustaches on EVERYONE’S faces. Nothing is more manly than a room filled with mustaches.

7. You’re new years resolution: To get ripped. You are going to be the strongest kid in school. To kick off your resolution, you lift weights for 12 hours straight on January 1st. You tape this picture to your workout equipment:

8. Like the typical man, you forget your New Years Resolution by February.

And thats it. You have just experienced the most manly holiday break a person could ask for. Congratulations. 

Sit down. Put your feet up.

You deserve it.